My Thoughts are with Todd

My friend Todd has been on my mind lately.
As a reminder, my friend Todd lives in Chicago and was diagnosed with lung cancer a half year ago.

I have never met Todd, however he is totally a part of my life. I dont even think he knows how much I think about him.

I met Todd through my very good friend Mike, who use to live in Connecticut with me. Mike since then has moved to Ohio with this partner. Todd is the brother of Mike's partner. Odd connection I know, but I could not be more grateful to have all of these guys in my life. They are all a true blessing.

Nevertheless, the day that Todd was diagnosed, Mike called me and put me in touch with Todd. We have spoken ever since.

Today Todd is 30

Lately, I have been having a hard time thinking about my friend Todd's struggles. Todd has just started chemotherapy and on Feb 4 Todd will be undergoing surgery to remove the multiple tumors from both lungs.

I know that Todd's procedure will be hard on him emotionally and physically. I hope the best for him, but I worry... a lot.

I find myself laying awake worrying about him. I know it is not good, but I find it hard to stop. I hope that he pulls through. He is such a good guy and so young. This should not be happening to him.... or me really.

I worry about his outcome. I worry because I am not sure how I am going to react. I know that statement might have sounded weird because I have never met him and he is not a life long friend. And to be honest with you, I am not sure if I can even explain this thought process to you. I guess when you are dealing with a life altering situation, only someone in the same boat you are in can really understand. I don't mean that to be harsh or negative, but I think it is the only way I can explain my emotional attachment to someone I have never met and only had a connection too since August.

In recent weeks, Todd has begun to pull away from me as the time gets closer to his surgery. I am not sure if he is trying to protect me or pull away. He has been taking big trips enjoying this time. That does make me happy

His upcoming surgery makes me question my own thoughts.
Clearly i am not as emotionally strong as i thought i was.

This entire rant might not have made much sense, but I am finding it hard to put my thoughts into words.

So from today until Feb 4, all of my positive thoughts with be with Todd.
On Feb 5, we will know the rest of the story....