My Thoughts are with Todd

My friend Todd has been on my mind lately.
As a reminder, my friend Todd lives in Chicago and was diagnosed with lung cancer a half year ago.

I have never met Todd, however he is totally a part of my life. I dont even think he knows how much I think about him.

I met Todd through my very good friend Mike, who use to live in Connecticut with me. Mike since then has moved to Ohio with this partner. Todd is the brother of Mike's partner. Odd connection I know, but I could not be more grateful to have all of these guys in my life. They are all a true blessing.

Nevertheless, the day that Todd was diagnosed, Mike called me and put me in touch with Todd. We have spoken ever since.

Today Todd is 30

Lately, I have been having a hard time thinking about my friend Todd's struggles. Todd has just started chemotherapy and on Feb 4 Todd will be undergoing surgery to remove the multiple tumors from both lungs.

I know that Todd's procedure will be hard on him emotionally and physically. I hope the best for him, but I worry... a lot.

I find myself laying awake worrying about him. I know it is not good, but I find it hard to stop. I hope that he pulls through. He is such a good guy and so young. This should not be happening to him.... or me really.

I worry about his outcome. I worry because I am not sure how I am going to react. I know that statement might have sounded weird because I have never met him and he is not a life long friend. And to be honest with you, I am not sure if I can even explain this thought process to you. I guess when you are dealing with a life altering situation, only someone in the same boat you are in can really understand. I don't mean that to be harsh or negative, but I think it is the only way I can explain my emotional attachment to someone I have never met and only had a connection too since August.

In recent weeks, Todd has begun to pull away from me as the time gets closer to his surgery. I am not sure if he is trying to protect me or pull away. He has been taking big trips enjoying this time. That does make me happy

His upcoming surgery makes me question my own thoughts.
Clearly i am not as emotionally strong as i thought i was.

This entire rant might not have made much sense, but I am finding it hard to put my thoughts into words.

So from today until Feb 4, all of my positive thoughts with be with Todd.
On Feb 5, we will know the rest of the story....

Things That Make Me Laugh

This is my grandmother and I singing over the holidays...

this really makes me laugh.. hard! :)

Results

I have received the results of my most recent from my CT Scan.

So I had a CT Abdomen and CT Pelvis Scan with contrast.

When I visited Dr Tanaka for the results, he told me that he had good news and bad news.

Lets start with the good news:

I was informed that my previous tumors have started to decrease in size.
The decrease is not substantial, but it is a start ---> 1.2cm to 8mm
My doctor was very happy about this.

Now the bad news:

The CT scan showed a smaller mass (nodule) found on the base of my lower left lung. This caught me off guard. It was not something I expected at all!

So a few more testes will be conducted...
I will tell you more as I get it

much love to all...

3 month CT Scan

It has been 3 months since I have last had a CT scan.

To refresh everyone's memory, I was suppose to have a CT scan of my abdomen and pelvis on October 31 -- Happy Halloween!!!-- Trick or Treat!! Well instead of getting a treat on Halloween, I got a trick! The radiologist who was overseeing my scan on Halloween choose not to do my pelvis scan.... Long story short, I was told to wait 3 months to get another scan. Once I have the final scan, I would be able to figure out my treatment.

So today is January 8th. My appointment was at 9:30am.
Driving to the hospital today, I was under a calm stress (i know that it an oxymoron, but it is true.) When I got to the Radiology Department at UC Davis, I was introduced to Piper, my nurse. Piper was a very kind lady who was very helpful. She prepped me for my scan (gown, IV, contrast, etc)

Pam was my radiologist. Pam was also very kind, understanding and thorough. I requested to see my orders before we started the scan. I explained my history with the Radiology Department to both women... they could not believe the issues I have encountered. Once reviewing my orders (a scan of my abdomen and pelvis) we started the scan -- first without contrast (both of the abdomen and then the pelvic area). Then a scan in both areas with contrast.

I was informed after the scan that would have the results within 24 hours!

So now it is just after midnight.
I am worried about meeting with Dr. Tanaka tomorrow at 4pm.
That meeting will change my life. Its scary

It is odd that one meeting with a doctor could change my entire world.
Regardless of the information, positive thoughts will get me through...But its hard!

Until then.......

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!

2008 is behind us and we are going full force into 2009!

My holidays were very nice. I was able to go home to Connecticut and have multiple parties and gatherings with family. Despite the freezing cold temperatures and being snowed in on New Years, it was a really nice trip home.

I also bumped into a great deal of my high school classmates. I was unofficially put in charge of putting together our 10 year high school reunion! Can you believe it has been 10 years!!!

I have put together a facebook group so that members of our high school class can gather electronically. This will also be helpful to inform everyone of our plans!! After posting the group, within 24 hours, 90 members joined!!! We had a total of 345 classmates in our graduating class! -- so almost 1/3 of our class has joined! Very exciting.

As for everything else, I am not too sure what to say. I have been feeling ok (not well, but not bad) when it comes to my medical. I was not feeling too well when I was home in CT. I went to see a specialist in Avon CT who checked me out.

On January 8, I have a CT Scan in Sacramento and then I have a doctors appt on January 9th to meet with Dr. Tanaka.

I am very nervous... my anxiety is high, but I keep reminding myself that I need to know the answer, regardless of what I am told.

So I wait.... (and if you have been following my blog, you know how much I LOVE to wait..... )

I have been thinking good thoughts to try to overcome the overwhelming anxiety...