My friend Todd has not had the easiest road.
I hate it!
I do wonder why bad things happen to good people? But that is not a good question to ask, but cancer is not something that anyone should get... good or bad. It is a horrible thing!!
I have been talking to my friend Todd's brother Troy. Troy is an amazing man who is a loving, caring and intelligent man. Troy loves his brother so much and though I do not know Troy well, I can tell he is a genuine man who's love runs deep.
Todd is a lucky man!
Tonight, I received a text message update from Troy about his brother Todd.
Todd has a second lesion on his brain -- 5mm and 8mm.
The doctors caught it early and are giving him a dose of radiation after they stop his chemo in half..
May the powers above watch over Todd
xoxo Todd xoxo
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
As February comes to an End.....
So as February comes to an end it has been an interesting month.
It started off badly, but it has slowly been changing, for the better... I hope
(St. Pattys Days is coming... I need the luck of the Irish)
This month started a bit odd.
The week of Feb 9th was a challenge!
I lost a friend to cancer. It was my friend Carl's mother.
She was the first person I have lost to cancer, since I have been diagnosed.
I do not want to take on the pain of a friends mothers passing, but it did have an impact on my life as the true final result of this disease has played out in front of my face.
Her funeral was beautiful.
Around the same time, I started to spit up blood. I am not sure why, but I was bleeding from my mouth... for no reason. I have been monitoring my bleeding. As of today, it has stopped.
Later that week, I found a lump.
Yes, a lump.
And of course, I freaked out! However, I did not tell anyone.
I feel that I am falling apart.
The lump was located on my scrotum. Left side.
It was not attached to my testicle, but actually on the scrotum.
I waited a week.(i know, not good, but I did not want to sound like a hypochondriac)
I figured it was an ingrown hair or something like that....
Two weeks later, the lump was still there.
To the touch, it has not gotten bigger or smaller... which could be a good thing.
Also, I developed a rash. It was odd. It is perfectly round circle -- bright red -- sore to touch -- It was over my entire body -- my arm, back, feet, legs. This is a picture of what it looked like on my foot (the quarter is to show how big the rash is...)
I decided to call my doctor. I called my oncologist (Dr. Tanaka) and my primary care Dr. Chang.
Dr. Chang saw me immediately.
He told me that I got a staff infection.
I could have picked it up from my many trips to the hospital.
I am currently taking strong steroids to kill off the infection.
Dr. Chang also told me that the lump in my scrotum could also be a result of my staff infection.
However, I am on day 7 of my 10 day medicine routine, and the lump on my scrotum has not gotten any smaller.
As for work, I am currently in the process of looking for a new job.
After 4 years of living in Sacramento in residence halls and 10 total years living in the residence halls since 1999 to 2009, it is time to move out.
I will be going to a job placement conference next weekend (March 4-8th)
Wish me luck
Though things have been bad, they are starting to get better....
Through love and inspiration from others, I will move on.
Thank you all
It started off badly, but it has slowly been changing, for the better... I hope
(St. Pattys Days is coming... I need the luck of the Irish)
This month started a bit odd.
The week of Feb 9th was a challenge!
I lost a friend to cancer. It was my friend Carl's mother.
She was the first person I have lost to cancer, since I have been diagnosed.
I do not want to take on the pain of a friends mothers passing, but it did have an impact on my life as the true final result of this disease has played out in front of my face.
Her funeral was beautiful.
Around the same time, I started to spit up blood. I am not sure why, but I was bleeding from my mouth... for no reason. I have been monitoring my bleeding. As of today, it has stopped.
Later that week, I found a lump.
Yes, a lump.
And of course, I freaked out! However, I did not tell anyone.
I feel that I am falling apart.
The lump was located on my scrotum. Left side.
It was not attached to my testicle, but actually on the scrotum.
I waited a week.(i know, not good, but I did not want to sound like a hypochondriac)
I figured it was an ingrown hair or something like that....
Two weeks later, the lump was still there.
To the touch, it has not gotten bigger or smaller... which could be a good thing.
Also, I developed a rash. It was odd. It is perfectly round circle -- bright red -- sore to touch -- It was over my entire body -- my arm, back, feet, legs. This is a picture of what it looked like on my foot (the quarter is to show how big the rash is...)
I decided to call my doctor. I called my oncologist (Dr. Tanaka) and my primary care Dr. Chang.
Dr. Chang saw me immediately.
He told me that I got a staff infection.
I could have picked it up from my many trips to the hospital.
I am currently taking strong steroids to kill off the infection.
Dr. Chang also told me that the lump in my scrotum could also be a result of my staff infection.
However, I am on day 7 of my 10 day medicine routine, and the lump on my scrotum has not gotten any smaller.
As for work, I am currently in the process of looking for a new job.
After 4 years of living in Sacramento in residence halls and 10 total years living in the residence halls since 1999 to 2009, it is time to move out.
I will be going to a job placement conference next weekend (March 4-8th)
Wish me luck
Though things have been bad, they are starting to get better....
Through love and inspiration from others, I will move on.
Thank you all
Friday, February 13, 2009
My First Experience with Reiki
Today, after finding out that Carls mom passed away, I realized that I really needed to do something for myself. So I decided to finally book a reiki session.
It was amazing. I found peace for a while.
It made me calm
It made me dizzy
It made me tired
It made me rested
It made me well... for the time being.
I am looking forward to more sessions.
It was amazing. I found peace for a while.
It made me calm
It made me dizzy
It made me tired
It made me rested
It made me well... for the time being.
I am looking forward to more sessions.
Passing of a Friend
Today at 5:09am my friend Carl's mom passed away.
She lost her battle with cancer.
She fought a long hard battle, but she is finally in peace.
May she watch upon us all.
She lost her battle with cancer.
She fought a long hard battle, but she is finally in peace.
May she watch upon us all.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
January 09 -- NOT so fine!!
2009 has not started off too well for me!
What a month January has been!
After returning from the East Coast for my holiday visit, I was thrown back into work. It was very nice to be back in California because it was about 40 degrees warmer from Connecticut! :) It was nice to be back.
Upon my return, I found out that one of my dear colleagues passed away. The Director of Housing at Pepperdine University in Malibu CA passed away unexpectedly. The news crush and shocked housing professionals across the state of California as he was a beloved man who spent his entire life devoted to supporting others. JB will be greatly missed!!
Then on January 11 I found out (via my CT scan) that I have a 3mm tumor in the base of my left lung. Of course, this caused a great deal of stress in my life. Despite the stress, I know that things are going to be ok. I think it cause so much stress because I helped my friend Todd do research on his lung cancer. Due to the research for Todd, I know WAY too much about lung cancer and it scares me that I have a tumor in my lung.
Shortly after I found out my diagnoses, I found out that one of my main cancer supports (and a strong survivor) found a small 1mm tumor in her heart. This scared me. I know that she probably sugar coated some of the information and her fears for me so that I would not worry, but I do! (and I know she is reading this.. ) She is a very good friend whom I have relied greatly upon. All of my thoughts and prayers are with her. However, now we are both in the same boat. We both have to wait for 3 months until we can have another CT scan and find out what all of this means... so we wait together, we pray together and we secretly stress together! :)
Then my friend Todd informed me that he was going to have Lung Cancer Surgery. This caused me a great deal of stress.. .more so then anything else.. which is weird, I know. This caused me so much stress because I was so afraid to lose someone in my life that was battling cancer. I am afraid that if their fight ends, mine might end as well. I know that this sounds odd... how could someone's disease impact me.. but mentally it does impact me. I have not lost any of my cancer support and I don't want to start. My supports have been my hope, my light and my strength to keep going. If they are living with cancer, so can I!! So the thought of losing Todd made me go mad! I was afraid how I was going to react if he did not make it. I was afraid I would have survivor guilt. I was just afraid. Actually I still am!
While trying to come to terms with all of this information, I received a phone call from my very good friend Carl. Carl asked to come over to my house one day because he was very upset. I agreed. He informed me that his mother was dying of cancer. She is 54. Carl's mom is a breast cancer survivor. She was doing really well... for several years. She was living strong and loving life. Recently, she was having a great deal of pain in her side (by her abdomen) She went to her doctors and found out that the cancer has spread to her lung, 75% of her liver, her bones and her hips. She is in a great deal of pain. I am praying for her pain to leave.
And Lastly, I decided that I would get Reiki.
Reiki is a spiritual practice developed in 1922 by Mikao Usui. After three weeks of fasting and meditating on Mount Kurama, in Japan, Usui claimed to receive the ability of "healing without energy depletion". A portion of the practice, tenohira or palm healing, is used as a form of complementary and alternative medicine. Tenohira is a technique whereby practitioners believe they are moving "healing energy" through the palms. I called the Sacramento Reiki Center and spoke to a woman named Barbara. She is great. She totally was sweet. We booked a time.
Then she called me back and told me that she can not take on anymore clients because she was diagnosed with breast cancer and needed surgery this Friday.
Crazy, I think I am attracting cancer.
NOTE: As I was writing this blog, Carl called me and informed me that his mother has less then a week to live. I am crushed. This seems to be getting harder and harder. sometimes life is not fair....
I wanted to end this blog on a high note, but i just cant right now.
I will finish this blog at a later date.
What a month January has been!
After returning from the East Coast for my holiday visit, I was thrown back into work. It was very nice to be back in California because it was about 40 degrees warmer from Connecticut! :) It was nice to be back.
Upon my return, I found out that one of my dear colleagues passed away. The Director of Housing at Pepperdine University in Malibu CA passed away unexpectedly. The news crush and shocked housing professionals across the state of California as he was a beloved man who spent his entire life devoted to supporting others. JB will be greatly missed!!
Then on January 11 I found out (via my CT scan) that I have a 3mm tumor in the base of my left lung. Of course, this caused a great deal of stress in my life. Despite the stress, I know that things are going to be ok. I think it cause so much stress because I helped my friend Todd do research on his lung cancer. Due to the research for Todd, I know WAY too much about lung cancer and it scares me that I have a tumor in my lung.
Shortly after I found out my diagnoses, I found out that one of my main cancer supports (and a strong survivor) found a small 1mm tumor in her heart. This scared me. I know that she probably sugar coated some of the information and her fears for me so that I would not worry, but I do! (and I know she is reading this.. ) She is a very good friend whom I have relied greatly upon. All of my thoughts and prayers are with her. However, now we are both in the same boat. We both have to wait for 3 months until we can have another CT scan and find out what all of this means... so we wait together, we pray together and we secretly stress together! :)
Then my friend Todd informed me that he was going to have Lung Cancer Surgery. This caused me a great deal of stress.. .more so then anything else.. which is weird, I know. This caused me so much stress because I was so afraid to lose someone in my life that was battling cancer. I am afraid that if their fight ends, mine might end as well. I know that this sounds odd... how could someone's disease impact me.. but mentally it does impact me. I have not lost any of my cancer support and I don't want to start. My supports have been my hope, my light and my strength to keep going. If they are living with cancer, so can I!! So the thought of losing Todd made me go mad! I was afraid how I was going to react if he did not make it. I was afraid I would have survivor guilt. I was just afraid. Actually I still am!
While trying to come to terms with all of this information, I received a phone call from my very good friend Carl. Carl asked to come over to my house one day because he was very upset. I agreed. He informed me that his mother was dying of cancer. She is 54. Carl's mom is a breast cancer survivor. She was doing really well... for several years. She was living strong and loving life. Recently, she was having a great deal of pain in her side (by her abdomen) She went to her doctors and found out that the cancer has spread to her lung, 75% of her liver, her bones and her hips. She is in a great deal of pain. I am praying for her pain to leave.
And Lastly, I decided that I would get Reiki.
Reiki is a spiritual practice developed in 1922 by Mikao Usui. After three weeks of fasting and meditating on Mount Kurama, in Japan, Usui claimed to receive the ability of "healing without energy depletion". A portion of the practice, tenohira or palm healing, is used as a form of complementary and alternative medicine. Tenohira is a technique whereby practitioners believe they are moving "healing energy" through the palms. I called the Sacramento Reiki Center and spoke to a woman named Barbara. She is great. She totally was sweet. We booked a time.
Then she called me back and told me that she can not take on anymore clients because she was diagnosed with breast cancer and needed surgery this Friday.
Crazy, I think I am attracting cancer.
NOTE: As I was writing this blog, Carl called me and informed me that his mother has less then a week to live. I am crushed. This seems to be getting harder and harder. sometimes life is not fair....
I wanted to end this blog on a high note, but i just cant right now.
I will finish this blog at a later date.
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