Kevin

After I found out that the doctors found 6-8 more tumors located in my lymph nodes, I realized that I need to find someone to talk too.

In these times of need, I ALWAYS turn to my mother. My mom has always had a way to calm me. She has helped me through the toughest times and decision of my life. I knew that when I spoke to my mom, I would feel better.

I called my mother.

I explain my situation. We cried, of course. We discussed my options, but she was always strong. She never let me go negative or think bad thoughts. She told me to stay positive and always look for the good in the situation. Though her advice made sense, I did not stay calm. I did not go to the positive. I began stressing more.

Why cant my mother comfort me? This became an even more frustrating/stress inducing problem for me. If my mother cant comfort me.. who can?

I began to talk to friends and family.

They would tell me stories about their friends/family who had cancer. Most of the stories ended with the person dying. This did not help me.. it actually made things worse. I knew that people were trying to help, but the last thing you want to hear is "well, my grandpa fought a good fight Josh, but he just lost the fight in the end" It really does not do well for you in the end!

Finally, I called my grandmother -- Nana.

I told her about how I was feeling and that I could not find comfort in much. I told her that peoples stories about their friends/family dying of cancer was not helpful, but hurtful. I also did not want to speak to someone who is in their mid 60, who is battling cancer because they kept saying "Josh, I have lived a long life and if it is my time... I'm ready." I remember thinking to myself... 'IM NOT READY!! I have not lived a long life!! This is not fair!!' I told all of this to my grandmother.

After speaking to Nana for a while, she recommended that I speak to Kevin, our next door neighbor at our cottage in Old Lyme CT.

What a great idea! I thought!

Kevin and I grew up together during the summers. We both lived in Connecticut, but only saw each other during the summer as kids. While I was in undergrad, Kevin moved to Los Angelas. I remember hearing a few years back that Kevin was diagnosed with testicular cancer. I remember him hearing that he went through a pretty bad treatment, but that he was alive and in remission.

So I sent my grandmother out on a mission -- to find Kevin's telephone number. Nana called me up about 2 hours later and relayed Kevin's phone number to me. She also told me that she gave Kevin my number.

Later that afternoon, I received a phone call from the LA area code. I picked up the call. It was Kevin. He asked me to tell him about everything going on in my life. We talked for a while. I told him everything about my cancer thus far.

He told me to fight
He told me live
He told me to stay positive
He told me to ask questions
He told me to get a chest x-ray to make sure the tumors were not in my chest
He told me to enjoy life
He told me to love
He told me to relax

Honestly, he told me everything my mother told me, but when he said it, I was calm.

I found peace. In one 3 hour conversation, I found peace and was calm.
Why?
Because I was talking to a survivor.
I was talking to someone who was diagnosed at the same age I was
I was talking to someone who went to hell and back, but made it
I was talking to someone who could relate to my thoughts, feeling and stresses

Kevin told me, before we hung up, to call him at any time. And I do
Kevin is always there for me and told me that he will stay on the phone/visit as much as I need. Not as much as he can, but as much as I need!!

I was blown away by his generosity and his love.

To this day, Kevin and I talk daily.
We talk about cancer.
We talk about love.
We talk about our work.
We talk about our goals.
We talk about living.

Kevin is my living angel.
Someone/something put that thought into my grandmothers head to call Kevin for a reason!
I don't want to question it
I don't want to think about it
I am just so happy that Kevin is here with me.

There are not enough words in the world to tell Kevin how appreciative I am to have him in my life. There is not enough money in the world to repay him.

Thank you Kevin!