Grateful, Fear, Sadness -- all in a waiting room

I went to the UC Davis Cancer Center today to get lab work done.

My friend came with me. This friend is very scared of my cancer -- he fears my death. He has done his best to stay away from the conversation about my cancer however today he wanted to come with me to the hospital. I was surprised by the fact he wanted to come, but I do know that deep down, he loves me with all of his heart. His support today meant a lot to me...

When we got to the UC Davis Cancer Center, we ended up in the waiting room.... waiting!
There must have been close to 15 people in the room. Its odd to look around and think that all of the people in the room were in the same boat I was -- some better off than I am, some much worse off than I am -- nevertheless, it made me sad

I was sitting with my friend and he and I were talking to each other through our body language. He knew I was uncomfortable and visa via.

A couple then came out of a room and sat across from us. They were no older than my parents.
The female began to cry and kept telling her husband how sorry she was for the way he was treating him. She began to cry hard. He held her.

Immediately, I got a bad vibe.

She continued to say things like "well.. that explains why I have pains in my chest" and "God, it hurts so much..." Finally she turned to her husband and asked "what did the doctor mean by my cancer is terminal"

My heart stopped.

Her husband put his arms around her body and told her that they would get a second opinion.
She collapsed in his arms. She began to wail. She kept saying "how are we going to tell our kids? Ill never see them grow up, never see them get married...."

I could not listen any longer. I looked around the room at the others.

Some looked down.
Some had tears in their eyes
I started to cry.

All of us in that room could get news like that one day... and honestly it scares me.
The thoughts of uncertainly. The thoughts of death. The thoughts of this monster taking over and you have no control... it sucks!

I immediately text messaged my friend (and cancer survivor) Kevin.

My text to Kevin:

Hey Kev- I'm at the hospital.
There is a woman in the waiting room who just found out she is terminal.
I'm having trouble dealing with this. I cant deal.
Why don't they move her to a private room?

Kevin's response:

maybe it is just her time Josh... She may have lived an extraordinary life..
but you need to keep a positive attitude. Remember, you are running our own race.
Don't worry about others, you need to keep your eye on your finish line

It might sound harsh, but it is true.
The doctors came into the waiting after she fell to the ground and they took her out.

I am not sure if I will be ever to remove that memory from my mind, but I hope I do.. because it might have been the scariest thing I have ever witnessed.

I just wish I will never be in her spot....

Lesson to be learned: live hard. love hard. -- I love you all!