January 09 -- NOT so fine!!

2009 has not started off too well for me!

What a month January has been!

After returning from the East Coast for my holiday visit, I was thrown back into work. It was very nice to be back in California because it was about 40 degrees warmer from Connecticut! :) It was nice to be back.

Upon my return, I found out that one of my dear colleagues passed away. The Director of Housing at Pepperdine University in Malibu CA passed away unexpectedly. The news crush and shocked housing professionals across the state of California as he was a beloved man who spent his entire life devoted to supporting others. JB will be greatly missed!!

Then on January 11 I found out (via my CT scan) that I have a 3mm tumor in the base of my left lung. Of course, this caused a great deal of stress in my life. Despite the stress, I know that things are going to be ok. I think it cause so much stress because I helped my friend Todd do research on his lung cancer. Due to the research for Todd, I know WAY too much about lung cancer and it scares me that I have a tumor in my lung.

Shortly after I found out my diagnoses, I found out that one of my main cancer supports (and a strong survivor) found a small 1mm tumor in her heart. This scared me. I know that she probably sugar coated some of the information and her fears for me so that I would not worry, but I do! (and I know she is reading this.. ) She is a very good friend whom I have relied greatly upon. All of my thoughts and prayers are with her. However, now we are both in the same boat. We both have to wait for 3 months until we can have another CT scan and find out what all of this means... so we wait together, we pray together and we secretly stress together! :)

Then my friend Todd informed me that he was going to have Lung Cancer Surgery. This caused me a great deal of stress.. .more so then anything else.. which is weird, I know. This caused me so much stress because I was so afraid to lose someone in my life that was battling cancer. I am afraid that if their fight ends, mine might end as well. I know that this sounds odd... how could someone's disease impact me.. but mentally it does impact me. I have not lost any of my cancer support and I don't want to start. My supports have been my hope, my light and my strength to keep going. If they are living with cancer, so can I!! So the thought of losing Todd made me go mad! I was afraid how I was going to react if he did not make it. I was afraid I would have survivor guilt. I was just afraid. Actually I still am!

While trying to come to terms with all of this information, I received a phone call from my very good friend Carl. Carl asked to come over to my house one day because he was very upset. I agreed. He informed me that his mother was dying of cancer. She is 54. Carl's mom is a breast cancer survivor. She was doing really well... for several years. She was living strong and loving life. Recently, she was having a great deal of pain in her side (by her abdomen) She went to her doctors and found out that the cancer has spread to her lung, 75% of her liver, her bones and her hips. She is in a great deal of pain. I am praying for her pain to leave.

And Lastly, I decided that I would get Reiki.
Reiki is a spiritual practice developed in 1922 by Mikao Usui. After three weeks of fasting and meditating on Mount Kurama, in Japan, Usui claimed to receive the ability of "healing without energy depletion". A portion of the practice, tenohira or palm healing, is used as a form of complementary and alternative medicine. Tenohira is a technique whereby practitioners believe they are moving "healing energy" through the palms. I called the Sacramento Reiki Center and spoke to a woman named Barbara. She is great. She totally was sweet. We booked a time.
Then she called me back and told me that she can not take on anymore clients because she was diagnosed with breast cancer and needed surgery this Friday.

Crazy, I think I am attracting cancer.

NOTE: As I was writing this blog, Carl called me and informed me that his mother has less then a week to live. I am crushed. This seems to be getting harder and harder. sometimes life is not fair....

I wanted to end this blog on a high note, but i just cant right now.
I will finish this blog at a later date.